About your coach
How I got here
Like many people I had spent the vast majority of my life avoiding who I am and how I was feeling, choosing to distract myself with working hard, parting even harder and engaging in activities designed to keep me disconnected from myself and the confusion and pain I was experiencing.
Through my own two year deep exploration work I have gained a better understanding of the reasons why I made the choices I did and what I was actually unconsciously trying to achieve.
What is now clear is that if in our childhood the natural development of our sense of self and emerging identity is continually disrupted, we are unconsciously forced to adapt our behaviour to favour protection rather than expansion, leading to us as adults having to find ways to undo and offload the burden of our insecurities and the role they have played in hindering our progress in some areas of our lives, but most importantly, the way in which these early year adaptions have affected the development of our relationship with ourselves.
Throughout all of the avoidance, confusion and pain I have experienced, I have never given up on myself and the desire to be and feel different, always knowing that I was capable of achieving more from my life but being unconsciously driven by a very strong and powerful need for safety due to my own lack of self confidence and internal trust and safety within who I am. This caused me to play small in life and choose work that ‘‘payed the bills’’ but didn’t provide me with any satisfaction or fulfilment.
All of my childhood experiences that laid the foundations of how I am, although challenging and restricting have also given me a huge curiosity to understand people and why they behave the way they do, and the actions that lead to transformation of behaviour to enable us to genuinely feel better within ourselves to have the confidence and courage to create and pursue a life of enjoyment and alignment.
For me, coaching was a natural fit due to its focus on how we are in the present moment, because the reality is, all we have is the present moment and our control over ourselves in the here and now. It’s time to let go of the past and get excited about the future and the endless opportunities and possibilities its waiting to bring us.
Me at a glance
My passions and who I am…
Used to love a good old knees up on the dance floor, you’ll be lucky to get me out past 8pm these days! Love music - dance, dnb, hiphop (mainly from the 90s), soul, funk. Reading, walking, cooking especially eating. Quality over quantity with regards to everything - time spent with people and the things I buy. I believe life is to be enjoyed more than we realise and we waste far too much time and energy worrying about things and people that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things!
my ethos
Its not WHO we are, its HOW we are that create the challenges we face in life!
There is a reoccurring narrative within the self development field that tells people they need to change who they are, that they need to create a new version of themselves and kill off their old identity. I disagree, and how would that actually work on a practical level?
I believe this type of narrative further fuel peoples insecurities about themselves not being enough as they are, when in fact, the point of what we are trying to do is recognise and remember that who we are absolutely great just as we are.
That’s why its not WHO we are that causes us any issues in life but it is HOW we think and behave that does.
WHO we are is instinctive, it naturally and organically grows and evolves with us as we age. Its our core essence, its us when we are in flow, its our unlimited capacity to feel and express love. Its our ability to experience all natural emotional responses with an adaptive and flexible nervous system enabling us to return to internal equilibrium without our emotions consuming us.
On the other hand, HOW we are is habitual, its reactive and can lack self control. It can be avoidant, volatile, irrational, people pleasing, anxious, prone to excessive worrying and fearful of taking chances and risks in life. Its all of our unnatural coping mechanisms we unconsciously accumulated during the course of our life that once served a purpose but no longer benefit us and actually hinder our ability to relax, let go and be in the moment at one with ourselves. Its our protection mode response patterns that when left unchecked can be what’s driving us through life.
The reality is, the MO of a human is survival and we are a highly tuned animal that’s function is to make the best use of our daily quota of energy (in the capacity of fuelling us as opposed to our magnetic energy frequency), to ensure we are able to survive the day, meaning it will default to the path of least resistance and to the habitual actions we carry out automatically as they are energy efficient.
Our identity and who we THINK we are is the fundamental core aspect of our motivation, our drive, and is responsible for the life we have created. If that identity and who we believe ourselves to be isn’t actually aligned with who we naturally are or the life we have created, we may experience a persistent undercurrent of internal friction between the desire for authenticity and survival. Understanding the distinction between the two can be a challenging task when how you are is so ingrained within your psyche, but as with all forms of learning, the initial resistance you may experience soon subsides as you continue to practice raising your awareness to notice your thoughts and behaviours and how they are impacting you and your ability to move through life.
Becoming reacquainted with ourselves is a life long process as is replacing the deeply ingrained thoughts and behaviours we have accumulated during the course of our life, but if you remember the simple fact that most of our thoughts and behaviours have been habitually imbedded within us, then we are able to change how we think and behave with conscious awareness, repetition and practice. We are not helpless victims of our mind, we are highly skilled adaptable animals with gifts and capabilities that far exceed our current awareness.
Realignment Process
Our behaviour will always match up to the person we believe ourselves to be. If we don’t fundamentally change how we see ourselves and how we value ourselves, we may find this is the reason why we can’t make changes and habits stick because there is a disconnect between how we are currently behaving and how we want to behave - misalignment.
Internal friction occurs when our current habits and patterns of behaviour no longer support the life we are trying to build. Unless we change how we think and behave, we will keep getting more of the same outcomes until we do.
Whatever your specific requirements are, I provide you with an environment to safely, calmly and gently explore yourself without fear of judgement or any pressure to achieve dramatic internal changes. You have spend your life mastering how you currently think and behave, to change takes time, patience and attention.
It’s the small incremental changes that in time, lead to larger breakthroughs. We work at a pace that is in harmony with you and your nervous system to gradually explore each area of you and your life that warrants your attention.
core principles of my method - the 3 c’s
I offer a combination of self discovery and life coaching to attend to both your internal and external needs. Our internal environment and how we think, feel and behave is directly responsible for our external environment and the relationship we have with ourselves.
A large part of how I work is focused on your identity and who you think you are, your beliefs and the narrative attached to it, and whether these narratives are aiding your progress through life or affecting your ability to achieve the outcomes you truly desire, both personally and professionally.
Through my own personal experience and from working with clients, although each persons motivations will be different as to why they are seeking help, there are 3 main objectives that most people want to obtain - clarity, confidence, and courage.
Clarity - on the answers to the questions you are asking yourself.
Confidence - in who you are, the decisions you make and your abilities to carry out them out.
Courage - to be who you are, show up as your natural self and go after what you want in life.
These are 3 core principles we work on you gaining and building when we work together on a multiple session package.
FAQs
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Whilst there may be some similarities with regards to an understanding of human behaviour, therapists will have a deeper understanding of more complex emotional needs, whereas coaches will be more present moment focused. My style of coaching sits between the two, I tend to explore more deeply than some coaches would for you to gain a deeper perspective of yourself but not as deep as a therapist may take you.
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Coaching is designed to help you achieve your desired outcomes quicker than if you were working alone. My style of coaching combines a balance between self exploration to help you uncover the answers you are looking for, and deciding what aligned action you are willing to take to aid you in achieving your desired outcomes. The process is a combination of healing, self discovery, self acceptance and taking aligned action.
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The real question is “are you willing to invest the time and energy into helping yourself find the answers you are looking for? Working on understanding ourselves can feel sticky and challenging at times, that’s why finding a coach you feel safe to explore your vulnerabilities with is a vital component of the process. It can take time for you to feel comfortable in the presence of a stranger, you should never feel rushed or pressured into working with someone. Trust your gut and go with what feels right.
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This a perfectly valid concern. The reality is, none of us can say with certainty what or who is and isn’t going to be able to help us until we try. You may be closer to where you want to be in life and the answers you are seeking more than you realise, which is what your coach is trained to help you recognise. No one is beyond help when they are committed to helping themselves.
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The honest answer is most things in your personal and professional life that require your attention. This can be around the dynamics of certain relationships, how you feel within yourself, getting the ball rolling on certain pursuits you want to achieve in life, build your self confidence, making peace with some past situations. The list is endless. Personally, I specialise in helping clients gain clarity about who they are, what they want from life and how to get it.
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Your bring the subject matter and I provide you with a space to explore the details freely and openly without judgement or criticism. We need time and patience to understand what is going on for us beneath the surface. Each session is focused on you, your needs and requirements exactly where you are in that moment. At the end of the session, if its applicable, you will have created a plan of action that you are going to implement between each session to aid you in your progress to achieving your desired outcomes.
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No problem, book a free 30 minute chemistry call for us to chat about any questions or queries you may have that aren’t listed here. Alternatively, you can email me via - hcbyharriet@outlook.com
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Life coaching tends to be more surface level focused with more of an emphasis on the accomplishment of external pursuits. Whereas my style of coaching combines elements of self discovery specifically around our identity and who we think we are, along side deciding on what we want from life and how we will achieve it.