Embracing identity evolution

It’s not just in midlife that you start to experience signs of an identity evolution.

Whilst most people are familiar with the term “Midlife Crisis”, identity uncertainty can occur naturally any time in life when you are faced with situations that cause you to reflect and turn your attention inwards to how you are feeling beneath the surface.

The relationship you have with yourself is the driving force behind all of your external pursuits and internal struggles. It’s also your biggest cheerleader and greatest ally when you allow it the chance to be in your corner. As your identity evolves, so does the story and beliefs you have attached to it.

If you continue to ignore this evolution, you run the risk of creating a detachment from yourself. People that tend to find themselves feeling emotionally numb, have spent years pushing away and burying their feelings, making it hard for them to recognise their more subtle bodily sensations over the more loud and dominant ones.

Have you outgrown your identity without realising it?

The lifestyles choices that once defined your personal and professional identity don’t always maintain the same appeal as you age. Our tastes, desires and needs evolve as we do, bringing with it an opportunity to explore other aspects of ourselves we haven’t taken the time to acknowledged before.

Whilst the initial unfamiliarity of our new outlook can feel confusing and somewhat uncomfortable, when you shift your perspective to approach this unfamiliar territory with curiosity and open-mindedness you mitigate the usual default response of fear and resistance that can sometimes be attached to a survival based identity.

It is a positive sign if you are faced with some form of identity confusion and disconnection, it indicates a good level of self-awareness, which is the backbone of all personal growth and self development work, meaning you are already ahead of the game!

When you find yourself asking “who am I now”, it’s important to remember, your identity is not fixed in place, it changes and evolves as you do through each different phases of life. Learning to go with it and not fight this natural progression of self is vital for mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.

The beauty of this evolution is you get to create a whole new story each time you feel internally and externally out of alignment. Your destiny is solely within your control as is the identity you create to drive you.

At your core you will always be your true authentic self, you are just upgrading that self each time it needs an adjustment or some tweaks.

It’s so easy to spend your life ignoring your evolving identity, choosing to distract yourself with your external environment and the demands of your career and the needs of your family but there is always a cost attached to this self-neglect. At the heart of this neglect is the belief you currently have attached to your self-worth and how important you deem your personal evolution to be.

If you are choosing to forsake your happiness over the fear of uncertainty, it might be time to ask yourself “what are you afraid might happen if you put yourself and your needs first?

Your answers and any patterns that emerge will enable you to create a deeper understanding of your self and what aspects of your emotional needs you have been avoiding and neglecting. From there, you can make a more informed decision about what you chose to do next.

To end I want to provide you with a simple activity you can carry out to get you started.

There are multiple ways you can anchor a positive reframing into this process to give you some motivation, but one that I think will give you the most benefit is to look at a picture of yourself from 10 years ago, one from 5 years ago and one from 12 months ago and reflect on where you were personally and professionally then and where you are now. Then ask yourself, what 5 things did I have in my life then that I don’t now, that I miss having, and what 5 things do I have now that I didn’t then that have improved my life.

This will show you what you want to create more of in your life and what you have to be grateful for (gratitude is a super power that accelerates your ability to feel better and when practiced consistently, rewires your mind to naturally be more optimistic, which is an attribute more aligned to your authentic self).

You can finish it off by listing 5 ways you have personally grown during this time and what 5 aspects of yourself you are still battling with that are affecting you as much now as they did then.

The combination of these insights can then be used to help you map out your plan of action so moving forward you have clarity about where you’re heading next and the areas of your internal environment that require immediate attention. It’s much easier to create a clear path when you have substantial information to work with.

Don’t forget, as much as it is healthy to be motivated to want to improve yourself and your life, it’s also important to remember to stop and smell the roses. Every now and then it does you good to just say “fuck it”. It’s important to allow your mind to have breaks so they can freely wander and daydream, you don’t always have to be “on”, it’s ok to sometimes loosen the reigns to allow yourself some mental flexibility in your pursuit of life accomplishments. Life is far too short to take ourselves too seriously all the time, make sure you are having as much fun as you can while your body and mind allows it!